Someone calls the Kremlin and asks:
- Are you by any chance looking for a new Secretary General of the communist party?
- No! What are you - some idiot?
- Yes, an old idiot with a terminal illness!

A citizen came to the funeral of Chernenko.
'Your ticket!' a guard demanded.
'For these performances I have a season ticket! 

Q: What's the most posh retirement home in the world?
A: Kremlin.